Episode One: An Impossible Walk

Overcoming Anxiety & Depression

In episode one we dive into a struggle many of us are grappling with today, anxiety and depression. I’m sharing a season of struggle and some amazing strategies that helped me and can help you move from struggle and surviving to absolutely thriving.Overcoming Anxiety & Depression

Transcript

0:14

Welcome to and then it's a podcast where we look at what comes after the struggle are really tough season in life. What if I told you that that struggle that trial are really tough season is actually a gift. I know it defies logic to think that something so incredibly painful can actually be for our benefit. The very worst thing or season can actually be the very catalyst that helps refine us into the better version of ourselves, and ultimately helps us find our and then moment. My name is Susie Chafin. I'm a mom to four a wife, a CODA, an author, a business owner and a coach. What I'm most passionate about is helping people transition from struggle and striving to absolutely thriving. Today, we're going to be diving into the topic of anxiety and depression. And I'm going to share with you a season of my own life where I was really in the struggle and just barely crawled out of it into my way to survival mode, and finally found that thriving again. And I can tell you guys, if you are in this spot, I have some great strategies that I'm going to share that are not going to just help move you into survival mode, but absolutely thriving again. So let's dig in. As we emerge out of the COVID world, we're finding ourselves really a country in a mental health crisis. According to the US Census Bureau's household pulse survey, 47% of adults reported symptoms of anxiety 39% reported symptoms of depression, and one in five adults disclosed suffering from a mental illness. For me personally, anxiety and depression have been a thread throughout my whole life. Sometimes the anxiety is barely there, like a little tremor in the water. And sometimes it's so suffocating that I can hardly move. I can't really ever remember a time when I didn't have anxiety at some level. But today I'm going to share with you a season in my life, where the depression was almost insurmountable, and how I found my thriving again after the struggle. My first child was born when I was 23. And I was a overzealous mom to say the least. My poor son was bombarded with flashcards and books and music and all these things. I was so determined to be the best mother I could. 21 months later, my daughter was born and she was a beautiful girl and she loved talking and playing and reading. And by 19 months, she was even fully potty trained like what I mean, those two are so easily potty trained that I almost felt like it was some kind of potty training guru, like people could just drop their kids off at my house. And they could pick them up later and would be fully potty trained. And not only that, I had mastered scheduling. I had it down pat the kids snapped. They played they went to bed. It was all like clockwork, this mom thing. Easy peasy. And as you can probably tell, I felt like a good mom. I knew I was a good mom. On the scale of mothering. I was like a 10. You know, in which you can hear there's a lot of pride, right? It's really ugly, nasty, gross pride. And definitely came to an end. When my daughter was two. I became pregnant again with twins. I was so excited and I was scared about the finances like how are we going to make that work? Diapers are really expensive. All of those kinds of things. But one thing I wasn't worried about was me as like, yeah, I totally got this. Like, what's two more kids in the mix? I can surely handle that. Around six months into my pregnancy, I was ordered to bedrest. And that was really hard. I did not like to sit still. I don't like to be confined to a bed and I hated just being in my bed not being able to take my kids out to places not being able to play with them outside of the confines of my bed. And I remember at this time my daughter asking me, so you know so authentically, Oh Mommy, you know when the babies come? Are we going to be able to go and get ice cream again? And before I could even answer, my son just jumped in and he was like, no, no, Mommy's gonna be too busy with babies. We're not gonna be able to get ice cream. I was like, Oh no, we're totally be able to get ice cream and I just felt so guilty for not being the mom that they needed me to be. And then the Hoss. The bedrest eventually turned in hospitalization. When I went into preterm labor and our hospital room, it was really scary. It was teeming with NICU doctors, nurses, they were you know, putting all kinds of shots into me and doing everything that they could do to stop the labor. And they succeeded, thankfully, and we were so grateful for that. But it also meant that I was going to be in the hospital for the next month. We were so incredibly grateful for the our friends and family members who partnered with us in prayer during this time, and we had some really, really specific prayers, we prayed that the babies would be healthy. And they were I mean, despite being four weeks, early, their length, their lungs were completely perfect. And we pray that they wouldn't be born before 36 weeks, and, you know, just shot just after 36 week, 36 weeks, excuse me, they were born perfect. After having nursed my first two children, I was like, I'd be great if I could like it wasn't a deal breaker if I can't, but I certainly wanted to have that same experience with them. And, you know, let's just say those boys were totally naturals, great little nursers. God was so, so good. He answered every single prayer that we named. We did forget to pray for two things. Happy babies, and babies that would sleep through the night. For the first 18 months of their life, I was really a blur. They didn't sleep at all, and they cried a lot. I was so sleep deprived, and very much trying to be a mom to my three and five year old. And by sleep deprived, I mean, I probably didn't get more than two to three hours of consecutive sleep a night. Because I was trying to nurse them without waking up the other one, it was really terrible strategy. But in the in the time it made sense. Let's just throw in there some financial stress that we had with our family business and some other things that were going on. And it was just the perfect recipe for postpartum depression. And of course, they'll those raging hormones as well. On the outside, I'm quite sure nobody had a clue, except for my husband. I was functioning was highly functioning, I was still working, I was getting the house cleaned up, I was having meals on the table. I was, you know, somewhat, you know, keeping up with all of the household tasks, and I was room mom and all of those things. And I had been on bedrest for so long, that I just felt like I didn't have time to waste like I needed to get my stuff together and get back into being the mom that I needed to be. But I was absolutely 100% depleted. The simplest things like going to the grocery store was utter chaos. It would look like me pushing a double stroller, while simultaneously pulling a shopping cart. My three and five year old would be tethered to each side of the cart. It's kind of like the wild west or just throwing randoms in the random items in the cart. Of course, I didn't even know until we got home. And I'm like, Oh, what is this? If of course one of the babies would start to cry. And I would have to pull a pick up a baby and try to console the baby while trying to push the stroller and pull the cart and just get the basics you know, the milk and the bread and just the little things that we needed to survive. And it was just so hard. And I would get these lips from strangers during that time. It was either, like disgust, complete disgust or like, totally feeling sorry for me. And I got this question all the time, like, Oh, are they all yours? And that was the sweet way they said it. Or they might say, Oh, are they all yours. And I would just come home from the grocery store. And I so clearly remember sitting on my couch and holding my baby boy twins in a football hold nursing them simultaneously with just hot tears streaming down my cheeks. And I would just think I can't do this anymore. I can't I am not capable of doing this anymore. I can't handle this. It's so exhausting. And then I would get some well meaning comments from people who weren't very much trying to encourage me and they would just say, Oh Susie, it'll be so much easier when they're two. It'll be fine. But I would just look at them and think Are you kidding me like to, to like really? You think I'm still gonna make it? I'm still going to be alive at two like I don't see how that's possible. And then people will say things like, Oh, you have such big helpers with your three and five year old you know, I'm like, oh yeah. I totally three and five year old pig helpers. That's right. I remember one day getting really, really, really angry with God. And as a side note, like if you're angry with God right now, you know, it's okay. God is God, he can take it. And I remember quite literally shaking my fist at him, and in saying and actually is probably like screaming, it was saying, like, you know, God, I can't do this anymore. I can't. You said, you said, God, you said that you wouldn't give me more than I can bear. And I am not bearing this well. Have you ever thought that, that I can't bear this, this is too much. And I had it wrong. Scripture doesn't really say that scripture actually says, We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. I was doing it on his strength. I was doing it 100% On my strength. And I was failing miserably. My best friend at the time invited me to a much needed woman's retreat. And one of the speakers really her message went right to me, she challenged me and she said, When is the last time you were in the Word? When we pray, that's our time to talk to God. But when we get in the Word, that's his time to talk back to us. Oh, that's convicting, right? I had been so good at treating God, like he was my genie in a bottle, and telling him all of the things that needed fixing in my life, sleep, the finances, the everything, all these things, I had a million ways that I was telling God, it is time to fix these things. And I had been having lots of one sided conversations. You guys do that. And you have a lot of boy, one side conversations, telling him what you need out of your life and like, okay, all right, Jeannie, make it happen. But I wasn't getting in the Word. And I wasn't letting him talk back to me. So I started protecting my early morning time in the Word at its highest value. Sometimes I only got five minutes. And that was okay. Sometimes I was lucky. And I got like 30 minutes or 45 minutes. But in those moments, I remember sitting in the dark, because I'd wake up really early with my coffee, and the just the light of the lamp and being in the Word. And I found him again. And in particular, there was this one encounter between Jesus and Peter, that spoke right to me. It was after Jesus had fed 5000 men, and I don't know how many went Ellis women and children with just three loaves of bread and two fish. And as you can imagine, Jesus was pretty depleted. And he needed some time alone with the Father. And so he sent his disciples onto the boat. And some time had passed and his his brotherhood was out there on the boat. And absolutely treacherous. There was wind and pounding waves and lightning and they were so scared. And on top of this, Peter sees something on the water in it looks like a ghost and he's freaking out. Because, you know, it can't be a person because people can't walk on water. But it is it's Jesus. And Jesus is like, oh, you know, he can sense that they're worried and concerned. He's like, no worries, like, It's me Have courage. And Peter's like, What, no way, like if it's you then told me to come to you out on the water. And Jesus is like, yeah, man, come on out. So he gets out of the boat. And there's winds are still there, the waves are still crashing, the storm hasn't stopped. But his eyes are firmly fixed on Jesus. And he starts walking step by step on the water. Completely 100% Impossible. But as long as his focus was on Jesus, he was able to do an impossible walk. But then a wave crashed, you know, and he turns and he looks and he's like, oh my goodness, like I'm in a storm. This is impossible. There's waves and there's wind and I'm on the water like, I can't do this, what the heck. And he immediately begins to sink. And of course Jesus of grabs him to safety and says so tenderly. Oh, Peter, you know, why did you doubt? Do you relate to Peter? You know, where's your focus been? Has it been on the distractions, the wind and the waves? Man that certainly was where I had been. I had been focused Seeing on everything, all of the million impossible ways that my life was impossible. My focus was taken 100% off of him and off of how onto how hard life was, I wasn't focused on solutions, I was only focused on the impossible. I wasn't focused on him and his strength, I was focused on me and my strength. And life I've rarely seen where we can look back in time and go, Oh, that was a good year. And that was a bad year, this was a good year. It's like life throws good and bad at US simultaneously. And if we want to get distracted, we can we can just focus on the negative, we can just focus on the bad. And I that's what I was doing, I was focusing on the million ways that this was going to be impossible for me. I'm not a counselor, and I'm not a medical professional. And I'm in no way shape or form able to give medical advice on this topic. But because of my experience, and because of some strategies I personally have used, and I've seen others use that I've developed in this time. And over time. I've unfortunately had to learn relearn a lot of things, if any of you guys struggle with that. But it's like, sometimes these lessons, I have to go through them more than once. But I can share some strategies that have helped me through a time of anxiety in this in this particular season where the anxiety was crippling, and other times as well. And the first strategy I would share is if I could go back in time, and tell that young 28 year old mom of four who was completely overwhelmed and didn't think she was going to make it, I would, I would grab her by her shoulders and say, go get help, there is no reason to navigate these feelings alone. If you are in a place of anxiety and depression, there are so many resources available, talk to your doctor or talk to a counselor you can even get counseling online. Now there's just no reason to muster through. You know, there's no awards or badges for how stoically we made it through a terrible season alone. You know, share it with your close friends, it's okay to have help and support we were made for community we were made to encourage one another and we need to ask for that help. The second strategy. And actually, the second strategy could probably be a podcast on itself is, you know, release what is not in your control. And put your energy on what you do control. I'm gonna say that again, release what is not in your control, and put energy on what you do control. What do you not control. So let's let's dive into that the past is behind you. No amount of thinking about it, no amount of wanting to have a redo or do over. It's not going to be happening. It's not possible. It's behind you. And it's time to look in front of you and see what's in front of that big windshield. The future. I don't know about you guys, but I am a planner, I like to plan out my day, my week, my month, my year. And ironically, hardly ever goes to plan. I mean, it's okay to make plans. But just know that we really don't control that like as much as we can make those plans, it's probably going to go off course. And that's okay. So we can't control that we need to release that release the actions of others and you know, the anything from the news to what's going on and world events to how family members may have acted, we have to release those actions are not things that we can control. The opinion of others, you know, thankfully, the older I get, really don't care as much what other people think of me, it's not my business, it is theirs. So releasing that is really, really healthy. And of course, the outcome of my efforts. And that is so freeing when you realize that I cannot control what happens. I can't control the results. But I can certainly control what I do. And I can certainly make sure that I'm doing everything I am able to do to get the outcome that I want. We also can't control how others take care of themselves. Like you may see somebody who's really in a toxic relationship or it really in a bad place. And like oh, if they would just stop this or that. But we can't, you know, we we have to release that. But there are a lot of things we do control. What do I what do I control my boundaries? I get to control what I'm saying yes to? And what I'm saying no to? It's really important, or yes, in our nose. They define how we're going to be spending our time and what we're going to be spending our energy on. My thoughts and my actions. Oops, that's a big one. And what is that narrative that you're playing in your head over and over again? How can you change that narrative? How can you change the voice? As to be of encouragement. The goals that I set, I can choose exactly what I want to focus on giving energy and time to, you know, what you focus on, you're going to find back to the example, I was focused on the heart all of the million and possible reasons why I was not going to make it. And when my focus changed, once I became spiritually focused on getting back in the Word, and once I became focused on finding solutions on figuring out how to get the boys to sleep through the night, and how to get some alone time and how to bring some order back into my day, I focused on solutions instead of the distractions and the issues. That was so huge for me. The next strategy, I would say, is moving. You know, it can be really, really tempting to be still and just binge watch NetFlix or numb yourself through scrolling endlessly, endlessly through social media, or pouring that extra large glass of wine, right? Anybody feel me? I want to encourage you to lean in and do the one thing you probably don't feel like doing. You know, get outside, take a walk, even just standing in place and jumping up and down. Do you like to sing, I'd love to sing. I'm not good at it. But I love to sing, dance, do something to physically interrupt the current pattern of thinking. And it's amazing how much doing that one thing, just changing that pattern is going to help you find new perspective. Last, I want you to take a moment to enjoy exactly where you are. Be like that's impossible. I can't enjoy exactly where I am or where I am. I would say you know, your life may not be perfect right now. But I can tell you, if you're going to find the blessing it is there. You're there is a blessing in the moment that you're in right now. Around this time, I guess when the boys were about 18 months or so, I read an article by Anna Quinlan. And she it just really struck me and this is what she wrote. But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone captured only in photographs. There's one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swingset. On a summer de ages six, four and one. I wish I could remember what we ate, what we talked about and how they sounded and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things. Dinner bath book bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more. In the getting it done a little less gut punch. That was me. All I was doing was like Alright kids, let's go dinner back with bed. Let's go. It was all about the getting it done all about that. And I missed the blessing of the doing of being in the moment and enjoying those sweet precious kiddos exactly where they were. Remember how I said all the babies did was cry? Well, a few years later, I remember going through pictures and their photo albums. And guess what I found? Those beautiful, adorable, cute, baby identical twins. They were so precious. And guess what? They weren't crying. They were smiling. And they were laughing. They were just the cutest things you've ever seen. And I thought, wait a minute, what the heck? Where was I? And I'm the one who took the pictures. Where was I? I completely missed it completely. I was so focused on the wind and the waves and how possible my life was that I missed those moments. I remember what I said I wasn't sure I would make it to age two. Well, I did. Well, well. Well, we haven't. I not only made it through the struggle in survival mode. But I found myself learning and growing through the season and to a person who was very much thriving. Once my focus and perspective changed I began to focus on the abundance my life rather than the lack of everything. And then I began to really enjoy the doing I began to enjoy the dinner bath book bed And I began to find me again. And then I was able to share through speaking to many moms groups, mothers of preschoolers, all over the Dallas Fort Worth area and just really you got to pour into them and encourage moms who are struggling. And then I was able to release myself from being the perfect high achieving mom and realized that was never going to be me. And that was, oh, Kay, I could just be my best I could just show up for the kids the best way that I possibly could. And then I developed empathy towards people who didn't have their potty trained kids potty trained by age three, the boys certainly taught me that is going to be okay. If somebody goes, nobody's going into kindergarten with a diaper on like, it's going to be fine. And then I was able to have this amazing experience to co author a pregnancy devotional with Pampero it was so wonderful to be able to write a book encouraging moms day by day as they were pregnant. And if I hadn't gone through that season, I would have had everything else that followed, I wouldn't have grown into that better version of myself that I became. And if you aren't there yet, if you're still in that season, just know you're and then moment is coming it this is not a for waste. That Utes will be used to turn you into the better version of yourself. I love sharing resources that have impacted me and helped me so I've listed a few resources on my social media pages to find additional healing and help. Finally, if you are expecting or know a pregnant mom, please tag them at and then with Suzie Chafin on Instagram or Facebook. I have some copies of the pregnancy devotional that I co authored with Pamela for Yarrow, and it would be my absolute honor to bless them expecting moms out there. If you found today's content helpful or would like to share an insight please drop a comment. And also like, subscribe and follow to stay up to date with the latest episodes. We'll see you next time.