Episode Four: Moving Through Grief: An Interview with Emily Speed

Episode Four: Moving Through Grief

An Interview with Emily Speed

On March 1st 2016 Emily Speed received the call no one wants to hear. At age 36, her husband, best friend, and love of her life for nine years was gone. A young mother of a seven and one year old found herself in a place she never expected to be in. Emily walks us through her grief struggle, how God used the grief and her marriage to impact others. Finally, Emily shares with us the other side of her grief. Today she shares her life with her second love of her life Jeff. Together Emily and Jeff  have a beautiful blended family of four and live through a lens of appreciation and gratitude that can only be found because of their joint grief struggle.

Transcript

Unknown: 0:15

Welcome to and then it's a podcast where we look at what comes after her struggle, the tough season or setback. My name is Susie Chafin. And I'm absolutely passionate about helping people transform from struggling surviving, to absolutely thriving. Today's topic is it's pretty heavy one, we're going to be diving into the topic of moving through grief. Grief is not something any of us can avoid. We're all going to go through it probably many, many times over. Interview I have the privilege of sharing with you all today is a beautiful story of Emily speeds first love of her life. There are beautiful story and the unfortunate untimely passing, and how God used their marriage and their relationship to impact others, and how she found the strength and the courage to choose to continue to live. She met her second love of her life, Jeff, and together today they have a beautiful blended family. And they live through a lens of appreciation that can only be found because of their joint grief struggle. As you listen to this interview, I am keenly aware that there are so many paths to healing and how to move through grief. This is just one story of how Emily moved through it. My hope and my prayer is that Emily's story is going to be a blessing to you. Emily speed, just to give you a little background on her. She and her husband Jeff are Madison Mississippi residents and she personally has found tremendous success with Aflac. She's worked with that organization since 2005, serving in many many leadership roles, and is also part of the South East territory Halifax Hall of Fame. She also is very involved in her community, she serves her community through the American Heart Association. She's on the board of her children's school PTA, and she's also a committee member for the child advocacy centers. Here's Emily's story. So let's let's just start a quick snapshot of the beginning. I was on an airplane fund in North Carolina, divorced in the dumps, I would say I was young and dumb at the time. And I remember looking out the window on an airplane ride to North Carolina telling myself you know what, you deserve better. You know, your life does not have to be you know, with bad relationships, bad people. I changed the recorder in my brain. And I said because I felt like your brain is the most powerful machine in the world, if you could call it that. But I remember looking out a window going, I deserve better. I am going to meet someone that is going to be awesome and a great partner and a great husband. And just a few months later after that. God brought blame to my wife. We met at a crawfish boil here in town. And immediately when I've met him, I knew this feeling is a little different. And you know two days later, he called me. He always say he waited two days. Those are the ones two days in my life. He called me and I remember sitting at my parents house going after that first phone call going, I think I'm gonna marry this guy. And, you know, I remember walking outside talking to my mother and she was like, what I was 28 years old at the time. And she was like, You're crazy. You know, my mom. My parents had been together for gosh, since they were 14 and 15. Still, they're still married, happily married. But anyway, I remember telling my mom I met someone and she said there's no way. So fast forward to four days later. We're going on our first day. And I remember Blaine looking at me on our way home from a little restaurant here in town grabbing my arm and going you know, are you ready for your fairy tale? You know, six months later, we were engaged. Two months later, we were married. Nine months later, we had a baby. And, you know, fast forward to you know, five and a half years later we had to another child. And so I was definitely living my fairy tale. And in his reign it actually says, you know, fairy tales do come true. And so it was an awesome marriage. We were together for nine years. Before he he actually passed away. Um, I look back on that day and go, Oh, God, what? Why did it happen like that? And I know exactly what happened like that. You know, the weekend leading up to him traveling out of town. He I was gone. I actually had a girlfriend, little party that Friday night, on Saturday, I'd gone to the Delta with my little Junior artillery group. On Sunday, he flew out well, that whole weekend, he got to spend time with our children at the time, they were seven and one you know, and blind fight a lot of golf. So I'm a normal weekend, he probably would not have been, you know, hanging out with the little children, I guess you would say. But anyway, he flew off on that Sunday. And then two days later, I was in a nail salon here in Madison, and I'm going to go now for 14 years. And I remember my assistant call me crying and saying, hey, you need to call this number. Something's wrong with something's wrong with your husband would blame and may go and what, you know what? And they said, you know, he's not breathing. So, of course, you know, call this number my hands were in the water. You know, the, the nail salon, the people in the nail salon, were breaking out because I'm yelling, what's going on? You know what's happening. And I hung up with this, this lady who was in Georgia at the time, which is where mine was in a meeting. And she said, He's not breathing. So I hung up with her called my father asked him to quickly come pick me up, you know, I needed to do something. By the time we got to our neighborhood. You know, I called back this number. And they said he still was not breathing. And I knew, you know, I've watched enough Dateline episodes where, you know, if you're not breathing for 510 15 minutes, something's wrong. I remember walking into my parents house at that time. And my dad just, you know, sitting there and he grabbed me said let's just pray Let's just pray right now let's pray. And we prayed and just so happened to AT and T guy was at my, my dad's house at my parents house. And he's wondering, like, what is going on what is happening? I'm just here to fix the phones, like what's happening. And anyway, the next the next phone call from them was, you know, he didn't make it. So it was a it was a fast, you know, 2030 minutes. And I just remember sitting there going, I just kind of had like an out of body experience. Wow, like, you know, whoa, like this. How can this happen? I'm you know, 36 he's 42 You know, I have a one year old. You know, I have a seven year old you know, what, what in the Wow, just kind of knocked you out knots the bread that'd be what was interesting about that day, was on that day that morning, I was driving into work. And I remember on you know, Burnham on on Facebook, you know, her her daughter had died years and years ago, and every, every year she had the anniversary date of her death or her birthday. And I remember driving in my car on that day going God. She is living in a prison that she never gets delayed from that she ever year has to look at this date. And every year she has to start over. And she gets to walk on Earth. But she's still handcuffed. And I remember that in my brain that morning going God I feel so sorry for her because she had to choose to relive this every year. And then here I was. I'm fixing Ave in the same same boat. I'm fixing this is I'm in prison. I'm stuck. And I can't get out. And I just remember thinking, Oh, why did I have that thought this morning? You know, why did I think of that? You know, and I had a lot of regret that day. That day was a busy day for me at work. You know, I was in a meeting all day, blinded actually text me that day and I did not respond. So now I always respond to text. Even if I'm busy, I always stop and respond. And he had text me that morning and just told me he loved me. So, you know, I knew I knew, like, what, you know, I did feel guilty about not responding, but I knew he knew that I loved you. So, but, you know, kind of kind of fast forward from that day. Blaine was an only child. You know, his mom and dad, his dad was actually at home and Summerall, their hometown, his mom was actually on a cruise ship, she had never been on a cruise. And this was her first trip on cruise. And she actually had to be, you know, told by her husband on the cruise ship that Biden passed away. And so our first reaction was, let's try to get her off the cruise ship, she was able to get off the cruise ship and get back to get back home, which took her you know, a couple of days. And it also, because Blaine was in Georgia, when it happened, it took a couple of days for him, or his body to get back here. But, um, you know, during that process, you know, with the grave with the sadness with, you know, looking at two children. You know, it was it was horrible. I mean, there's really no, there's really no way to put it, it was, you know, there were days, I remember going to the heart doctor, you know, a couple of weeks after just asking God, like, I want to die, you know, I do not want to do this. I literally can't, I cannot do this. And I just remember the doctor coming in at the Heart Clinic going, you're fine. Well, I wanted to, I wanted to have arts out, you know, I want him to tell me and he said, he said, You're fine. He said, You have you have a broken heart. And, you know, unfortunately, you're just, you're gonna be okay. And then I think it was that day, you know, which is was a couple of weeks later, when I realized, you know, I'm not going to die, that I was sitting there, I ended up staying at my parents house. Over the next couple of months, I couldn't go back to my house. Because we'd built our house, you know, and I just, I just was not ready to do that. But I remember, we were all sitting there hanging out one day, and a friend of mine goes, you know, mowing is gonna be raw, you know, and just Just be prepared. You know, you're not gonna find someone like Blaine. So whoever you make, because you're still young, you know, they're never going to be him. And they're never going to be as great as he was. Just Just be prepared. You know, if you meet someone, they're not going to be, they're not going to be good. And I remember, I remember looking at her, I can't remember who it was. But I remember looking at her and I said, you know, what, I am going to meet someone just as great as Wayne was because lamb would make sure that I was taken care of. And I know for a fact that whoever this this person is, you know, whenever that happens, they're going to come in, and they're going to pick up right where he left off. And we're going to be great, but I never let his death or the grave set into my brain have never been happy again. And since this since this time, CA I've had so many friends, colleagues, relatives that have lost their spouses, and that's one thing I can say. A lot of them still live in that death. And and that's you know, everybody grieves differently and I'm not it's no shame here. It's our you know, I love people where they are. Because I feel like that's what you know, we're supposed to do and not everybody's me, that's when we have vanilla and juggler. I mean, you know, but I sit here and go, Gosh, I wish they would change their mindset because if they sit there and they just continue to say, I'm never gonna meet my person. I'm never going to be my person. I'm never gonna get married. I'm never going to you won't. Right. You're never going to to continue your life. What Was someone and be happy. And that's okay. But I knew me, I know me better. And I know, you know, I had a one year old, I have a seven year old two boys, you know, I was never meant to be single, you know, forever. I knew that. And I felt, you know, I deserve happiness. I deserve, you know, someone that will will, will be here for me, I deserve that. And so I think that's so important. You know, when, when something like this happens, but, you know, the day that the cardiologist came in and the Heart Clinic and told me, Hey, you're not you're not dying, you're you have a broken heart. i That moment is when I had to step up and put my big girl panties on. You know, I didn't rush back to work, you know, immediately, I took probably a month or two off and cried and sad was sad. You know, I got into different groups. You know, my children, I went to the McLean Fletcher center, you know, went a lot until now, when my oldest was like, Mom, I don't want to go back and talk about Dad, every, you know, this is sad. And I said, you know, what we're not, you know, I saw counselors. You know, I tried to figure out, but, but what I realized was, you know, Wayne was in heaven, you know, and he was fine. You know, I had a dream one night, that he came to me, and, you know, I didn't physically see him, but I saw this light. And I remember believing or thinking or feeling, hey, he, uh, he always called me M. M. Were great here. Like, you're, it's all good. And I remember this exact this exact words all as well. And every time I say all as well, anywhere, make, you know, it makes me think of that, that dream or that thought or whatever it was at the time. But you know, and I think I think that's important when when you do lose someone, especially for us, you know, there were things building up to his death. You know, in January of lying down march on March 1 of 16. In January of that year, a dear friend of ours passed away and he was in his 50s. And it was a shock it was it was a heart attack, similar to blinds and got it just bothered me, I just love this was a colleague, a friend of mine, he had a daughter, he babysat my children like, oh, he was, he's a friend, you know, he passed away. And I remember buying tele major in that time, you know, in my, you know, when your tickets called, you have to be ready. And so that, that always resonated with me, because I remember him saying that I remember those words coming to him. A couple of months before that. My aunt, her mother in law passed away. Same thing, heart attack. And I remember, you know, Cindy, Cindy passed her husband, Brad, like, moved, I had moved on. And I remember us all being in the car one night and Blaine saying, you know, hey, Cindy's never coming back at all. Brad needs to be happy. Emily, if something happens to me, I want you to, you know, you start remembering things that come back. But also, in January of that year, I remember waking up one morning, we were going to church. And I was in my bathroom and I was just crying and laying walked in and he always he would always get upset with me when I get upset. But he was like, Emily, you're such a you cried. Oprah. You know, you. You tried everything. You know, I remember crying one morning and I had had a dream the night before. I always have vivid dreams. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse. But I had a dream one night in January, just you know, within 60 days of his passing and the dream was you know, I was sitting there on a big green beachside area. And I felt this presence of God, you know, front of me, and him looking at me, and you know, I saw all these people going in and out of this building on the water. And since then, someone has told me when you say water, it's like God, you know, I know that. But I remember looking out there going, what are all these people doing? Why are they going in and out of this house? What is happening? And I just remember this thought Are this feeling common to me that said, you know, in line you have spent your whole life you know, getting people to your work, you know, getting people here, you need to spend more of your time getting people to God. And I woke up, you know, guilt shame going, CA I have been focused on the wrong thing, I need to get people to God, like, I need to get people home, you know. And I told mine that and he said in light, how you can get dressed perfect, like for jerk. He lost that, you know, whatever. Um, so, you know, fast forward after he passed, I sat there and I just asked God, I said, Oh my gosh, you know, is this did this have to happen, you know, did did he have to be taken for you know, these things to happen and, and looking back because of blinds passing. You know, we actually his assistant, you know, he, her husband was an atheist and he claimed to be an atheist at that time, was not a believer in God. Because of his passing, he is a, he is saved, had was baptized as a Christian. They're never thought they would get married, they're married now happily married. That would have never happened. We had several several people that started attending church, just because they, they felt I guess, very sorry for me, you know, they wanted to sit with me in the pews. In the end, they wanted to be there for me and, and I looked around the room, that's first, you know, few months, because it was really hard. You know, and I saw like, God, you know, his life was taken, but all of these people are gonna go to heaven because of this. And, you know, I struggled with I grew up Catholic my whole life. You know, when I was little, I was Christian, you know, I was never baptized. We always talked about baptism at my church, and I always would sit there, you know, my parents, because they're Catholic today. And we would go, we were Christians, that's fine. You know, not a big deal. But I remember thinking, I'm getting baptized. And so a couple months after he passed, I got baptized. And a few months later, my sister got baptized my mind, no, I got baptized. You know, not to say, you know, we're still all believers in Christ, but just so that, that we took that step in front of people, those things would not have happened. You know. So, you know, you look back and you go, it was such a tragedy. And gosh, I would do anything for Blaine Ingram to still be here. You know, he was such an awesome person. Just his, you know, like I say, is he he may have have passed away young, but his memory will last forever. You know, but looking back, you know, was it just, it was God, it was God's plan. You know, and it sucks, you know, the, on the other end of that, but God, I wouldn't take back, you know, seeing people getting baptized and become becoming followers of Christ, and you know, what he wouldn't either. So, and I know that and that, that makes me so, you know, good. And, you know, worthy to move forward. And so, you know, you fast forward to, to, you know, to where we are now. So, you know, buying passed away in March. You know, I ended up meeting Jeff, who's who's also a widower as well. His wife passed away in May, the same year. I look back, I was fortunately not with blame when he passed away. I felt like that was in God's plan. Because I probably would be in Whitfield if I had walked in on him or saw him. I portrayed to be a strong person, but I'm really not. You know, whereas Jeff, he and his children and his in laws were all with his. They were all at the beach on a family vacation when his wife passed away. And he actually he actually they were all in This condo, and she went to the bathroom. And the next thing you know, he walked in and she's on the floor and she's gone. Oh, my goodness. And their oldest child, Hayden had tried to perform CPR didn't work. They had a helicopter fly to pick her up, you know, she gets the hospital, they say, you know, she'd gone. It's very tragic. Very sad, because the children were there with their girlfriends. So they all saw the display of, of their mom. So, you know, at the time, you know, we have to have a very different story. But it's the same, you know, he was actually happily married for 22 years. They're their children are 10 and a half months apart. Mine are five and a half years apart. You know, actually, I feel like I enjoyed my 20s While he was married with kids when you're 21. Um, so, you know, we ended up meeting a few months. On September after that. I had a friend of mine reach out to me and say, Hey, do you? I know, you're probably not ready. But, you know, I have a friend that lost his wife, you know, would you? Would you mind meeting him for lunch? And that's the thing about people that are going through this, you realize you quickly realize you're not alone. You know, I always tell people that join this club is the club nobody wants to be in. But there is a community of weirdos out there. And, you know, my thing is, because a lot of my friends would would set me up with other girls and lost their spouse. And you know, I'm sure we can, we went too long. It was just we all have different stories. We're all we're all just different people. But we all share that one thing. That was the thing when I met Jeff is, you know, we were able to share that. And, you know, just kind of like the whole Blaine situation when I met Jeff, you know, on a Monday. Four days later, he picked me up. We went to dinner. And the one that he actually went all out in the limo with some flowers. Cuz I kind of made it a big deal was like many units our first day, so you better make it count. He did. He did. And then I remember him walking me to my door on our first day. And, you know, I'm just grinning ear to ear and I watch the door and, you know, closing he's like, I love you. And I'm like, let me do close the door in his face. So anyway, um, when he got married, you know, a few months later, I thought we were crazy. But, you know, the rest is history. So, you know, he was exactly the person that I felt like, was was for me. And, you know, we've, we've been together now almost five years and never looked back. It was awful. And it's Rocky, you know, it's, you know, I tell people, it's like, every, every person is different. I mean, you know, there's give and take, you know, there's, there's, there's, there's always the difference of people, you know, he's definitely not buying and binds on him. And that's, that's great. I mean, they're, they're their own person. And I love them, you know, the same I mean, you know, so it's, it's, I've been able to experience true love twice in my life. So I hope I never have to do it again. But, um, you know, it's been awesome. It was blending families. You know, we were able we got married in the same church that wine had his funeral you know, we still attend is still attend that church as well. You know, I feel like with Jeff, you know, you look back on the things you didn't do. When you were married before, you know, I never prayed with Blaine. I pray with Jeff at night. Yeah, there's this little things that you look back and go God, I wish I wish I would have said this. I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have been here you know. So I'm trying to kind of kind of not make the same mistakes. Of course, looking back and I started this life was perfect with lying to like it. I would have gone the rest of my life and it would have been awesome the way it was. Um, but you know, meaning having restorative or, you know, meeting someone new, I want it to be better than ever. And so I definitely feel like, you know, someone put on Facebook the other day, like, it was one thing that you would do you know, your husband like pray, like hold your hand, pray together, do it, it'll make you feel so much better. You know, I read, we have a little my daily bread Bible verse book that we read together. And when we don't, I'll text it to a remote to refer to her in the morning. But I really want to try to get better at that. I think that's so important. Because you do you do in life go through hard times, tough times. And it's just so important to keep that kind of the center of your marriage. Because it's not always telling me what you know, it's always sunshine and rainbows, it's you wake up every day, you wake up every day saying, I I'm gonna make the circle back to something that you said in the very beginning, that you have, that that recorder in your brain where you said, I deserve better. I think that's such a powerful statement. Because the self talk that we say to ourselves, really, you know, we like you kind of alluded to, we can be self prophetic, like, I'm never gonna be happy again, I'm never gonna do this. And so you made that conscious decision to say, I'm going to do better. And then you made the decision again, that being happy again, was going to be a choice, and it didn't feel I know, it wasn't easy. And you were you were heartbroken. And you know, you could have been binded to go on and meet Blaine. But you realized you had to kind of muster up the strength and the choice, the ability to make that choice. I wanted to go back to that time. I imagine you were really, there had to be moments when you were really angry at God. You know, sure. But I kept on myself. There has to be more. And I feel like maybe because I was staring at a one seven year old. Like, this wasn't normal. Like why was the first person middle aged that had passed away? That I knew, like, I didn't have any friends that have lost their husbands like, like, and it was it was a heart attack. So it was like, you know, like, I hadn't had like I had, you know, when you're in high school you had, you know, friends with suicide car wrecks. You know, like, you know, like, accident, stuff like that. This was the first middle aged spouse like, what you know, is crazy. Like, how has this happened? Um, you know, I think I think that's maybe why I was angry. Why do I have to be the first one, right? Why can you pick someone that had problems in their marriage? I have all these friends that you know, are not all. Women, like their husbands like, you know, me. You know, and I think it was more. It wasn't. It wasn't more of an angry it was why, but why me? Why did this have to happen to me? You know why? Like, we were so great. Why couldn't we had Why couldn't he have picked on? You know, somebody else? Right, right. Right. Yeah. It's hard to see how he's going to ultimately use that for good. Yeah, sure. It's like mind boggling, like, you know that that's what the Word says. But it didn't feel like it at the time. No. And I'm just like, you know, heart attack like, right. Right. What, you know, I just, it's like, I wasn't, it was like, it wasn't a drain that first week because he was such a vivacious personality, because it helped me. Yeah. You know, and then, you know, of course, after this happened, you look back and you go, Okay, what did I miss some signs? Like, you know, he had like, a bloody nose a lot like, was that something? He had it cauterized like, you know, was there other signs, you know, he was your typical male. He never went to the doctor. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. You know, did he have hearty? Like, do we just not see that? And I'll tell you this too, because he did, you know, pass away. This brought awareness to heart that we had our neighbor, who's a dentist in town, you know, came over office after and said, I'm here. Thanks, Wayne. The only reason I went to the doctor is because of what happened and guess what I had to have a stent put in well, we At my dad, he had to have some heart, you know, stuff done because he had not gone to the doctor. Several guys in the neighborhood like, I mean, you know, like these people weren't even this wasn't even on your radar. Nobody was even thinking about this. So, you know, things like that you're like, you know, if I was never angry, I was just more or less Why Why me? And then I quickly moved to well, it's me. Okay. I'm gonna, I'm here. I'm not waking up the same. This isn't isn't that every day I woke up, and I kept going, Oh, I'm in a nightmare, but I don't think I ever got angry. That's so that's amazing. And then as far as having, I mean, I know that your your boys were so young, seven and one. And I'm sure the temptation, right? I mean, I'm imagining the temptation would be to just kind of go inward, and to shut down and not show up for your kids. And I'm sure there was probably a little bit of that. But you also I know, you did show up for your voice. And you were the Mom, how did you find the strength to do that? So when, you know, it was one when he passed when he turned two, two weeks later, and I didn't want to have a birthday party. I didn't want to I didn't want to celebrate, I just like was like, let's get a mulligan and skip this year. And all my girlfriend's my friends, I have a picture of us from the birthday. And it was every friend I have with their children. My colleagues, co workers, I probably had over 100 people at his second birthday, and have a picture of me lighting his candle. And you could just tell I just looked like Dec you know, just bad. I mean, I hadn't slept, I haven't eaten. And up though, like, they all helped. You know, it's so important to have that group of people to help you lift you. Because without them, I probably couldn't it I need I needed that push, you know, I needed that, you know, one of my girlfriends is real creative, like she did all the decoration. I mean, they just all just came together as like, we're, we're help we're doing this because I didn't want to have the birthday. You look at things like that, too. And you go, you know, it's funny how like, Will tragic things will happen. And then you'll have like a birthday accurate. And just like you have to get to get out of the sadness celebration. And so, you know, I think that that was really important. Having that group of people that are there to help you. You know, they helped me push through, and then my colleagues at work, you know, after about a month, they're like, you gotta get back to work. In this party's I, you know, and right. People have in those tough conversations with these, you know, conversations you don't want to hear, but you know, I think that was important for people to just, if you have a brand, you know, just be there for them. But you know, it's you got to help push them. Don't let your friend just sit there and wallow. Because they will. What other strategies did you use during that time to, you know, really force yourself to, to not just, you know, the covers, I got on a start playing tennis, you know, I started I was, I was already involved. So I was, you know, I was already in the junior auxilary. So I had those meetings. I had two or three other organizations that I was doing stuff at, I stayed so busy that by the time I met Jeff, I was like, Okay, I'm really cheap. It's like, I gotta, I gotta let things go. I quit tennis. You know? Because it was like, my mom and dad, they're so they're so awesome. But they were watching my kids every night, you know, because I just, I just knew I was like, I gotta keep my brain going. I don't enjoy the devil's Playhouse. See that to this day? You know, stay busy. And so that's what I did. I just stayed as busy as cafe. Now. It was hard. I didn't want to sit in meetings and do that. But you know what I did? There were a couple organizations that you know, Brian and I were both participants and members of and I remember going to the first meeting and me sitting by myself and people give me handkerchiefs and you know, crying and but I just said you know, I gotta I gotta I gotta do this. I gotta do it, you know? And so yeah, I just just staying busy. Don't let the devil make us buy a house. Do he will. And so that's what I've always tried to do. You mentioned, you know, some things that you do differently with Jeff, that you didn't do with Blaine. And I'm sure that's, you know, as much as you wish you didn't have to learn that lesson. I think that's a beautiful lesson that came out of it, that we can always get better. And we can always grow from this and what what did we maybe not do? That could have been a part of our relationship? I think that's a beautiful lesson that the grief taught you. What else would you say the grief taught you to appreciate? Your time Tom? You know, you know, like, like, I told you like, the text message like, Yeah, my mom will tell you, I'm not the best, quickly responding, but she's right. I love my mom. You know, but I do, I try to make a point to, you know, check messages, you know, spend time with with my kids, my loved ones, turn, turn your cell phone off, you know, don't have it with you, you know, you don't always have to answer your phone. You know, I remember back in the day, when there was no such thing as a cell phone, and I had a beeper, like, you know, you don't, just because you have a cell phone doesn't mean you have to be on it, you know, when I go to dinner, I don't talk on my cell phone, it's put up you know, you know, traveling, you know, buying and I traveled a lot with with my job. You know, we, Jeff and I continue to do that. Just taking time to spend together, taking time to spend with the children, you know, having that quality time, you know, taking that time to have a breather, and taking time for yourself. Self Care, you know, I didn't do a whole lot of that. I mean, I look back at my career, you know, I was working 5060 hours a week, you know, just, of course, I was young, you know, this stage of my life, I can, I can not work as hard as I did, because I worked so hard when I was younger, but you know, taking time to smell the roses, you know, taking time I, I used to do and I couldn't doing it just because the live got busy. But you know, find out on the first. So I made a point, the first couple of years, every month on the first I would have a self care day. Whether that was going to have a massage or getting a pedicure, or just, you know, on the first of every month, I was going to have that. You know, unfortunately, for me, you know, blind dad like 12 one. So every month, you know what happens on the first at that time, we have a siren that goes off in our town. So every month at that moment, um, you know, it's there. And it used to be a trigger for me that first year, into the second year, a trigger for me when I'm here that just, you know, a reminder and you know, over time, you know, it's not a trigger anymore, but it's still in the back of my mind. But you know, just trying to do something for yourself, you know, that you that you normally wouldn't, would not have. So I think that's important. So as you know, now you and Jeff have this beautiful blended family of four sons and some in their 20s. And then they're growing up getting into their teenage years. And it's been really beautiful to from a distance to see your family grow and flourish. And you know, now that this next phase of life, what would you say that you and Jeff are most excited about? So, you know, we're most excited. I'm actually my last day at my job is the third yet. Oh, congratulation. I'm actually after the 30th I'm going to be out of my managerial role. Jeff and I've decided we're going to try it. We're going to Italy and over Berwick. That's amazing. I want to enjoy myself and not you know, not really had to worry about quotas and stuff like that. So I'm excited about that. You know, after Blaine passed away and I met Jeff I took a sabbatical from work for about two and a half years and got my real estate license. I'm going to help him his his work and he and I are gonna work together. You know we're looking to buy a house in the Bahamas. Yeah, I just think, you know, like bucket list items, you know, just just enjoy life, you know, I told him I said, You know what, we're not taking anything with us. All everything here is is is just here. I want to enjoy life. And so that's really what we're going to be doing is enjoying our life. Still Still trying to make some income along the way, of course, because we don't we still have bills and children. But you know, I can I can book flip burgers at McDonald's, I can do anything. So I mean, it didn't matter to me. I've started working on when I was 15 and said, Hey, so you know what, we're just giving it all to God. And we're just gonna say, you know, what, show us the way and we're going to enjoy life. So that's what we're doing. That's gonna be our goal, you know, especially the coming months to just really enjoy life. You know, because life is short, life is short. And you know, tomorrow is promised and I won. So, you know, that's really kind of what our focus is right now. That's beautiful. Well, thank you so much for sharing Emily. It's just such an inspiring story. And it's so beautiful to see how, you know, you went through that period of, of tragedy and how God used that to help so many other people and how, what a beautiful life that he's given you on the other side of that, so thank you for sharing all of that with us. Thank you. Wow, I really hope today's episode was a blessing to you today. 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